Depression

When the only thing that makes you happy and actually raises you from the pits of despair and sorrow is a single person. Of course all you want to do is waste away the hours talking to that person.  But the problem for me is I barely can talk to them due to the phone plan they are on and their schedule. There are days where im completely ok with not talking to her, but thats usually when Im not feeling depressed. But as you can guess when I do feel depressed I over think things. I fear she hates me, ignores me, doesn't want anything to do with me, etc. My mind races to the point where I have thrown myself into a vicious circle of depression. Worrying is one of the things i do the best at, because i've been doing it since i was a small child. Wondering what my father had been up to while he was gone and while he was gone for D.M.O.R.T. The girl is a very important girl, becuase if she wasn't why would i be caysing myself so much trama and pain. I put myself threw this all and yet I come off with a smile on my face everyday. It bothers me so much that everyone can have their days where their pissed off or depressed and we give them space but yet when i get pissed off or depressed everyone is like, SAM STOP BEING SO SAD!!!! I grow tired of that, and one day i can see myself just walking away so I have my privacy. As im writing this my friend says good night and sweatdreams to me. My only responce to her is "Sweatdreams mean nothing to me anymore. Not after what hell i've been threw in the past couple months"